Haven Society

As told by Anne Spilker, Executive Director:

I have worked at Haven Society for over 15 years, first as a Stopping the Violence Counsellor, and then as a Programs Manager. One of the most common questions I get asked is: “How do you know you are making a difference?” 

When I get asked that question, I see in my mind’s eye a parade of women who have come through Haven’s programs.  Some I see regularly as they remain in our community working and raising their children free from violence. They have moved beyond living in fear and violence.  Many others I don’t recognize because the change in them is so profound, but they still come up to me to tell me about the positive changes in their lives.

Many women come to Haven full of trepidation and fear. Not long after they begin working with our staff, we see changes happening, beginning with how they walk and hold themselves as deserving of space. When I taught at both Malaspina and the University of Victoria, there were women in my classes who used to receive services at Haven Society.  There they were, working hard to get an education to make things better for themselves and their children.

Some stories stand out particularly:

When I was a Women’s Counsellor, I worked with a young mom. She was a survivor of childhood abuse and was getting herself ready to leave an abusive relationship, which would leave her with very little money to live on. She told me how much she wanted to be a long-distance truck driver, but that everyone told her she couldn’t because she was too petite to handle large trucks. She also had a young child. After working with her for a while she told me she felt ready to conquer the world. Many months later she sent me a postcard from the Southern USA – she was driving a long-distance truck and home schooling her child along the way. She wasn’t sure how long she might be able to continue this, but for now, she was happy. I still hear from her occasionally and she is doing well – her life is like most of our lives: not perfect, with lots of ups and downs, yet good overall.

One year, during a December 6th vigil, a young man, maybe just 20, spoke about his experience of being at the Transition House with his mom. He said we had saved his mom’s life and made all the difference in his life. He said that what he had learned in the children’s counselling program continues to define for him how healthy men behave in relationships.

Of course, not every story is a success story.  Tragically, we have seen the deaths of some women with whom we have worked, and others hurt in ways that are unfathomable – sometimes because they were unable to come in sooner, sometimes because the system underestimated the level of violence. Often, there just weren’t the resources available in the community to make a difference fast enough. It is here that our Community Education work and our efforts in Partnership are having the greatest impact. One example is the way we have worked with the local RCMP Detachment and a national security company to create a Domestic Violence Emergency Response Team. This team works actively to provide increased security to families in very high risk situations.

It is the impact of all the stories that makes us so determined to do this work, and do it well.  To dream of a building where all our services can be under one roof and where the needs of women, children, youth and families can be met in an integrated way seemed a big dream at first. Yet to dream of possibility is what we ask of those who walk through our doors; and so our dream is becoming reality. With your strong support it can be done.

Thank you for supporting our work!

Anne Spilker, Executive Director